42 Think pretty little flowers and trees don’t kick ass at Christmas?

Think again….


“During the Christmas Party season  ..everybody thinks we might be a bit wooden,  but at this time of year, we’re feeling exceptionally floral.” 

That’s…..very, very floral.

Sweeter than a hyacinth’s pheromones, naughtier than a vain little narcissus at the Christmas party.

The strong, er.. hormonal,  festive message from the street: Don’t mess with a tree trunk at Christmas  

“…Just because the state of our skin looks like we might have a bark sometimes…we will be twigging to everything…and that means everything… If you get our gist, what we love to do at this time of year, is simply to branch out….and party..”

And in the City of London,  this very Thursday night, the in-character “spooky trees”  by Tate Britain, subtly gave it their artistic all. This was the Pimlico Christmas Tree street party. The one and only.



Pimlico streets were full of lamplight. This year even the neighbourhood “wallflowers” joined in with a little bit of seductive ‘shadow jiving’. Very off the wall.

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“Once a year we can let our leaves down, but NEVER, EVER  insult our intelligence by asking us to dress like a Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square.”

“We HATE that stuff. Any tree that puts itself forward to gets its roots cut is asking to be firewood. It’s pathetic. We can also see through that light cover, nothing more than an electric negligée…. so embarrassing,…as for the hairy branches…That’s not attractive.”


“That fir tree in Trafalgar Square, what’s it got to look forward to in life from January? It gave up its Norwegian Wood for fame and glamour and out of tune carol singers. Sad, very,very sad.”

“Think we’re grumpy? It’s the London tree boys talking… we’re just very stumpy… but we know our area,....If you want to be a tree at Christmas, you have to play your part in your community. Pimlico is flower baskets and ‘spooky tree’,  lined streets overlooking the Thames.”

Well noted. Till next year then.


The Stumpies of Stourbridge, a market town tree group,   agreed with the City of London trees sentiments. But last week, they went for the full trunk-to-stump Advent shave in protest due to the isolation and hurt caused,  as an imported fir was placed in the centre of the town, obscuring all view of the native market town kerbside trees, who stand all year. Oh dear.

All they could say was  ” That fir wont be putting any roots down around here.”        

Very true, very, very true….Their selfie at dusk was touching….and what could only be described as….unique.


Nearby, rural spruces on the Stourbridge/Staffordshire Ridge were happier and kindly posed for a portrait in a festive sunset.

” This is all the Christmas light we will ever need.” 

How very sweet.


“We wouldn’t dream of uprooting. When a Country Wood thinks its a Johnny Town Tree, it makes us go all funny..”

Located near a country pub and the water table, after a long drink,  high oaks and chestnuts can be seen swaying together to unseen birdsong. The thought of any Stourbridge spruce being cut was too much.

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“Our trunks are packed to be here  –  and we’re here to stay. All year.  

Watch out for us at the Spring Party

Can’t Wait.


© 2014 La Floralie









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